The epistles of Noah, ed. [or rather written] by George Umber - Softcover

This historic book may have numerous typos and missing text. Purchasers can download a free scanned copy of the original book (without typos) from the publisher. Not indexed. Not illustrated. 1883 edition. Excerpt: ... everywheres that we visited, like we feel concernin' our puir relations wha leeve in a ane appairtment dwellin', and conduct themsel's low; but could ha'e worshipped him wi' our hale heart an' soul always every day an' hour, instead o' the present hypocritical pretence o' worship we bestow on him for a few minutes yin'st a week, because we dinna ken ony way o' gettin' tae Heaven withoot him. What a pity it is but we could be independent o' this povertystricken Jewish Saviour, an' gie him the kick, so tae speak, an' could get a rich Jew like Baron Rosschild tae dee for our sins, an' act as our conductin' medium tae Heaven. "Oh, my benighted brethren!" cried I, burstin' oot at last in conclusion, for I couldn't restrain the true feelin's surgin' like mighty billows in my breast nae langer, "you never wis under the influence o' a mair melancholy hallucination in your nat'ral born days; I fin' my bluid crudlin' in my vas'clar system as I gie your inward thochts a vice. Heaven! wis't you wanted tae get genteely conducted unto? Why, you brazenfaced creat'res that you are, you wouldn't be there six weeks till you contaminated it, an' made it that ye wadna ken't frae whaur ye cam' frae. But," said I, lowVin' my vice a note or twa, "let me tell ye, yin'st for a', that you'll never get nae nearder't nor the rich dyer in purple an' fine linnen, as the parable mentions, did; nor will you ever as muckle as see the blessed face o' that sair despised Son o' Man--which has noo shone on oor selfish little planet for mair nor eichteen hun'er years, an' kep' it frae becomin' as opaque as your Sabbath-days suits o' best black claes--until you awaken frae the fearfu' unsanity intae which the cursed worship o' mammon an' mahog'ny has plunged...